What is a Ghost Turd?
TROY GENT: Hello, this is Troy Gent, your Ghost Turd Stories host.
So after starting my podcast, I've been asked several times, "What is a ghost turd?"
In the Marines, we have our own language.
In some cases, it's easier to use the Marine verbiage but in others, Marines just use some terms because it's just more fun to be crude and different.
That's what I took for my eight years on active duty anyway.
Even among military personnel, Marines stand out as nuts, scary, and tough, especially those that come from the infantry.
According to other branches of the military, we aren't the brightest bunch on the planet but I'm biased, I guess.
I think we are smart enough to figure any problem out.
No one will try harder to succeed and figure a problem out than the United States Marines.
Marines love to use all kinds of unique jargon.
Most people might use horseplay to signify messing around or wrestling.
We use "grab-ass" instead.
To tell a person they are dressed poorly or out of line with their appearance, most people would say that they are dressed poorly or don't look up to standards.
We just say, "You're a shitbag."
That's enough and the Marine can go fix themselves.
Someone might say you're overweight and need to remedy that or won't say anything at all to avoid offense.
Marines simply say you're a fat body.
No offense worried about.
Fitted sheets are just fitted sheets.
Not to a Marine though.
Fart sack is the required lingo to adopt when talking about your mattress cover.
One of my favorites is "donkey dick".
I mean, fuel spout has two words too but Marines just can't get our minds out of the gutter.
Another favorite is "Bag Nasty".
At least in the Infantry Marine Corps, everything is unpleasant.
So much so, that we learn to embrace unpleasantness as a way of life.
Expect it and then adapt to find joy there.
Joy in opening a Bag O Surprise labeled "bag nasty".
They actually were not bad.
Usually an apple or an orange, a pint of milk or juice, maybe a meat sandwich, or two cold, hard-boiled eggs.
They sustained us even with a name like that.
There are thousands of replacement words Marines use to signify matter in the universe.
I also think they gave us new vocabulary partly to strip the civilians out of us.
Once turned a Marine, you'll always be one.
So what's a ghost turd?
To tell you that, I need to tell you a story.
I was first introduced to a ghost turd within a week of entering boot camp.
Every Sunday was field day.
Field day means cleaning day.
It was the day we cleaned our house, our home, the roof of our heads, or whatever you want to call it.
It was the day we sought out and searched for every imaginable particle of dust and dirt that had mysteriously made its way into our space.
We would move all of our racks or beds to one side of the squad bay where we lived and scrubbed like hell until all matter that could be seen by the human eye was eliminated.
Then, we would move everything to the other side and do the same thing.
Our biggest culprits were the ghost turds or lint.
We called them ghost turds because they come from somewhere but no one could figure out where exactly.
So the conclusion Marines came up with generations ago was that ghosts must be pooping under our things and surprising us with balls of lint.
I call my company Ghost Turd Stories because it's a funny name and because most of the stories told here are random, funny stories that come out of nowhere.
We are often surprised by them as veterans and first responders when they happen.
In a sense, we are bushwhacked by ghost turds.
In my case, I've been bushwhacked by ghost turds since 1997.
That's the year I joined the Marines and found out what ghost turds were.
